A new post is long overdue, but after going to a cool event I came up with the idea of posting a mini series of posts about things I’ve learnt or heard. The series mainly to act as achievable goals to motivate me to post things on a more regular basis, but also to make reading my posts a bit easier. After my first 5 posts in this series I’d like to post another series on a particular issue, eg. Suffering, or time.
I’m so excited to be posting this! It really is a blessing and a privilege to share my work with you. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
On a different note, I think my writer’s block is over 😀
When I first heard this song I was surprised at the lyrics. I haven’t heard such a positive song about waiting for the right person before. Mandisa’s “Praying for you” is about waiting and praying for our future other half. It reminded me of the unhealthy pressure and stress, to be with someone. Sometimes society and the media exerts so much pressure on us to find love, get a boy/girlfriend, or find a lifelong partner but there is a lack of emphasis on celebrating singleness, or even love without lust.
So often in this world the two appear synonymous. That’s the thing though – looks are deceiving. Then things don’t work out. He wasn’t the person you were looking for, or she is coming of age and wrinkles appear on her once smooth and supple skin.. then suddenly s/he doesn’t seem that attractive anymore. This is what I’ve observed. Or maybe s/he says “if you do this, I’ll do that for you” so that your love becomes conditional and you end up using each other for your own self-fulfilment. I’m not saying this is everyone, but from observation, this happens to some people.
What do “he completes me” or “she completes me” statements mean to you? Appreciating someone’s role in your life is good, but I personally believe that when you rely completely on someone else for your happiness, satisfaction and fulfilment, that isn’t the healthiest relationship you could have. You’re worth so much more, and he or she is worth more too. If you’re in it for yourself, and the other person’s in it for themselves, then how suffocating would it feel? I’ve met people who can only see from their perspective and only look out for themselves. I’m not attracted to them at all, whether they are a potential lover, family or friends. Personally, I really can’t be with someone who’s in a relationship just for themselves. The desire to love and be loved is not unhealthy, but the desire to be satisfied and expect someone else to meet your every need is.
And that’s where the whole love vs lust thing comes in. Is it my body she’s after, or my heart? Is he in it for me or for himself? Why are you in a relationship, or more importantly what is the purpose of your relationship?
Why the rush to get a boyfriend? Is it really the most important thing you need right now?
I think there can be so much pressure to get married before a certain age, that singleness or courtship becomes this ugly, unattractive disease everyone wants to get rid of. And it’s as though part of your success is defined by your relationship status. I respect everyone has different views on this, but to me that definition is so unstable and there is so much more to life and success. Do you want someone – anyone – for the sake of solely meeting your needs? Is it for status, a “everyone has a girlfriend so I want one too” desire you have? Because if it is you may not be seeing her for her unique self, but seeing her as a way to meet your desire, whether it be conscious or subconscious.
Today I really challenge you to think about what the purpose of your current or future relationship is (ie. you’re single and would like to be in a relationship, dating but want to be married etc), and what your partner’s purpose for your relationship is (or what you’d like your future partner’s purpose to be). Are your purposes the same? Are you happy with that?
God bless 🙂 I hope this blog post brings a positive message into your life.
Note: this is my personal opinion only. I respect that everyone has different views so I ask that you also respect mine. Thanks.
Comments and constructive criticism welcome, as always!
My thoughts behind this post:
I believe God has a plan for my life. Be it singleness, courtship or marriage, I choose to entrust this into my God’s hands. But I do know one thing: whichever stage I’m in now, and in the future, I will use it to worship and praise God. Part of my goal in life is to encourage and instil hope in people’s lives. I’m very clear that no matter where I am, whatever life throws at me and regardless of my relationship status, I’ll continue doing my best to meet that goal in my everyday life. My relationship does not define me, nor does my relationship status. God defines me. I am a child of God. In Him I find my identity. What’s your identity?
Update: just saw this post and thought it touches on something similar to what I wrote about.